RAE
HELLER
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August 2023-Present
Quilts are queer. They shape and fold and become and mend and express and confuse. People ask if they are craft or art. This questions is silly to me becuase it confines, it doesn’t allow for nuance, or queerness. To me, quilts are everything, like portals to myself, containers of multitudes.
August 2023, 80" x 80", cotton fabric and thread, long arm machine quilted
A traditional “Lady of the Lake” pattern includes a pinwheel motif, the first pattern I learned from my grandmother over 20 years ago. I don’t know what she would have thought of my 90 degree turn, removing the pinwheels. She passed away in 2007, the day before I turned 19. I wonder how she stored her fabric and how she managed to make baby quilts for all the babies and what she would think about the baby quilts I make now for the babies and whether or not she would have liked my “Lady of the Lake'' edit. The moment I rotated the squares felt like a truer honoring of my grandmother’s craft and my own.
The blues in this quilt are the playground, baggy blues I wore growing up. And the sawtooth edges are my fire and pointy chin and my dark red wedding dress. The navy floral border is the elegance I got from my mother as I spread mulch.
I am a lady of the lake. Well, I am the lady of some lakes, on most days. I am also the tomboy of the garden. And grandmother of the river and to all my friends. And undecidedly a mother, but definitely a king. This quilt is my gender, an amalgamation of ongoing preferences, and a realization of why my name as my pronoun feels right, at least on this swim in this lake with this lady.
10.5” x 10.5”, sewing machine pieced, repurposed cotton fabric
This is a square block I made for The Euphoria Quilt, a community quilt on gender expansive joy. My gender expansive joy began to grow around the same I started gardening.
I used to be overwhelmed by the garden - so many weeds! - but I decided I wanted to make something beautiful. I upturned everything, found resilient gems that had survived neglect, learned their names, and added nutrients. I discovered that I like gardening! I love bugleweed and how aggressive it is, and anything blue and purple! I love spreading mushy compost!
This quilt block represents me in my garden where I feel grounded and alive and creative and completely myself. My identity, my garden, is an amalgamation of ongoing preferences and delights. I can’t believe how long I neglected the truth of my gender. Now, my gender is a garden I tend to. I am grateful to my queer community and the plants for showing me this way of knowing and becoming.